Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have fence marks all over my body
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
