did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
