he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
