we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
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My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
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tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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