We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
