IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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