I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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