I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
