Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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