It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
