I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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