Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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