I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
