We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
