I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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