people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
