Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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