Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
