I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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