he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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