they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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