You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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