I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
