I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
