And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
