Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize
