omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
