so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
