I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
