you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
