Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And the cops told us we were all naked.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
