My hand turned me down
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
