there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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