I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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