Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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