I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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