Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
