i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
