I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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