Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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