we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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