I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
