Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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