its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Four minutes until I can fart!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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