Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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