The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
