no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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