So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
