You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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