I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
