Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
