Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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