nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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