Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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