Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
