this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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