you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Let's paint friendship bongs
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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