She is in my trunk
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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