Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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