People in love make me want to vomit
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
