I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
