just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
