So many bounce houses so little time
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
