I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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