i just wanna soil my oats bro
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have fence marks all over my body
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
