Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
