I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
