so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
