Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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