my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
