508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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