i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
