I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
